MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your handsin the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs. (If LEGOs are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them insight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing them until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 mo. Now remove 10% of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest foodstore. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many things they can improve as well. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you'll have all the answers.
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9 comments:
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Oh Becky that is so funny . My mom and I read it while eating breakfast this morning and laughed out loud. We especially love the lego's and the removing only 10% of the bean bag after 9 MO. Oh fun, but worth it :)
Someone sent that e-mail to me, isn't it great?? That is SO cool that you guys did American Idol. Who knew Ryan could ding? I didn't! I'm excited to see these audition pieces. Ollie is adorable as always... And we are in Utah! We'll have to plan lunch or something-- we are super busy the next few weeks, but after that, let's plan!
That's awesome!
I LOVE this...I worry about how others are going to react to my parenting (or lack there-of) skills...This helped me to laugh and relax a bit and not worry about it as much...
oh k mon auswalt isnt that bad haha. he has been at our house for a little bit and just wants to snuggle a whole lot. its great.
this is really cute. It looks like you guys had a fun sisters reunion, I saw the pictures on Amanda & Leah's blog. How fun :) How did Oliver's hair cut turn out?
I miss you guys! Becky--Diego is officially learning to love the water! I hope he can one day be as enthusiastical about it as Oliver is! Hope you're all doing well!
Becky: Love the blog! and I LOVED being with you all this past week. It's been fun! That parenting class you give sounds so exciting. In any case, you're a great mom, as was so plainly displayed this past week. Maybe it's cuz Ollie is so good....and maybe it's cuz he came that way....and maybe it's cuz he has great parents....or all of the above. (I think you're all great!)
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