I've always been interested in adoption and foster care, so when I saw this book at the library I thought it could be an interesting read. As with all books I read that inspire, now I want to change the world, especially foster care in our country. This kid, taken from his mom at 6, was raised in foster homes the remainder of his childhood, graduated high school with high marks, attended an east coast college, only to graduate from Harvard Law. Sad part is, the home that he stayed in most of those years was probably more abusive and destructive than what life with his mom would have been, had she gotten the help she needed. His stay at McLaren Hall in Los Angeles sounded more like a detention camp for wayward teens, who were often beaten, degraded, and totally neglected. His first night there, being terrified of the loss of his mother without explanation of her absence, and oblivious of life in foster care, was thrown into a dark cell to be locked up his first night for not obeying a standard rule to undress in front of all other boys and shower., something that would surely be humiliating. Just thinking about a 6 year old, sobbing to be heard in the dark, with no one to answer, makes my heart break. No one thought to explain the situation to him, or give him love and belonging, only to discipline him, put him in his place, give him a #. From the facts, there are about half a million kids living in foster care. It's estimated that only 3% graduate from college, and after leaving foster care, 30-50% are homeless within 2 years. I'd like to think that this book was written a hundred years ago, but it wasn't. This was happening 30 years ago, 20 years ago, and probably still. He explains a case in the end of the book about a detention center much like McLaren Hall that exists today. He fought that case of neglect and abuse as a lawyer, but really as a boy who had been through it. I can't even count the amount of inmates at the jail who were abused or molested in the care of foster families. Who let's these people have these kids!!! The system is so broken and these lost people fill up prisons because no one ever showed them the way. Thank goodness for those foster families who actually do a great job. And something that is forgotten is that the ultimate goal in the end is to return these kids with their families, not to another. If the mother's condition is bad, get her help. His mother was tormented by voices, a symptom of schizophrenia and no one ever thought to get her the help she needed until it was too late. She was also raised apart from her mother, who did not have the funds to support her two children after losing a husband in the war. Fact is, I know that if families are broken, everything is. And it's too much to take on, really I know. But these people who ran these institutions just looked the other way when horrible things were happening. If it's your job, do it, and if you can't do it well, get out. My new goal, to be a foster parent someday and love these kids and build them with confidence so one day they will have a place in this world. Do you ever feel like there's too much to be fixed?
6 comments:
Sounds like a good book to read. If you liked this one you should read "A child called It" with it's sequels "The Lost Boy" and "A Man Named Dave". It is a true story of the worst abuse case in the history of California. It is sad but also uplifting. It made Jason and I want to become foster parents (not right now but maybe some day).
- Katie Palmer (cousin)
Have you read those books? the "child called it" books? I read them at the jail. SO sad. I feel the same way about foster families. I hate that foster families can be such bad situations. I just wish good people like you would foster a child, not just anyone. I HATE the fact that some of the poor inmates just never had a chance from the beginning. I wish I could do more to help out, I miss working. I just wish these people would see that they are worth something. And believe that there is so much more for them. Thanks for the post. I don't really have many friends who like to talk about this stuff!
I totally agree. I had a client once (4 year old and bipolar) who was a foster child. I grew close to the family and learned a lot about foster care and Jase and I decided to take some classes in Hawaii. We finished our classes to become foster parents but never had the extra bedroom a child would need. Finally we bought our condo but had no time to raise a child. I have always wanted to be a foster parent and hope to adopt at least one child in the future...
Don't even get me started on the foster care system in our country. I have quite a few students who are in FC and most likely will be homeless in the next few years after graduation. Something needs to be done...
I have two very good friends who grew up in the 'system' and one was 6 when she was taken. She still remembers good chunks of her life with her mother. She says they weren't pleasant- but it would have been MUCH better than being molested all the years she was in the system. Her brother- my other friend, doesn't remember much of his mom and was separated from his sister- but the life he had, and still lives sometimes would have been so much different had he not had the foster mother he had and had been with his own mother.
Hi! Sorry, I'm jumping over from Andrea's blog (she's my sis-in-law). I just want to say that I'm touched by this post. We have 2 adopted children (well, one is almost here) from Guatemala. The foster care system here is really horrible and we have researched it a lot but I think one of the big problems is that they give the bio parents too many chances which is why so many kids grow up in the system without a good adoptive family. I'm amazed there are so many bad foster families, you wouldn't believe all the background checks we've had to go through to adopt. Anyway, I think it is great you are concerned and care about issues like these. Your little boy is adorable, by the way!
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