Have I slackened mine hand?

So this post may not be for everyone cause I will go off on just some personal thoughts that I've had lately on a few things that just seem to keep coming up. My blog is my conscience I suppose. By the way, I'll first start with saying that my trip to California with Ollie was so fun. I have never seen Oliver so pumped to be somewhere, mostly I'm sure because he had CONSTANT attention. He was happy almost the entire time and loves his family. But he did miss his dad back at home, as I did. I have a habit of walking around the rose bowl at home, I just love it. There is a million different type of people there. Everyone is so happy to be outside, taking care of their bodies and minds. There's amazing energy there. And Oliver about died at all the dogs being walked, he is definitely a Kelley in that department. Anyways, towards the end of our walk I noticed a homeless man standing behind a minivan looking at the window. It took me a minute to realize what he was looking at. You know those stickers people put on the back of their cars showing their family, like the dad, mom, 3 kids, and a dog. He was standing looking at this. I was struck with this extremely sad sinking feeling in my heart. I often think about those on the streets, people without homes. Once upon a time they were this tiny new, smiling baby. And whether they came into arms that loved them, they were sent from those arms that dearly loved them more than anyone else could. What went so wrong? Who hurt them in the process? I always asked this to myself working at the jail. My bishop sent an email that really hit home. He basically said anyone can give out a dollar, its so easy. But would you take that person, give them a meal, make sure they have a place to stay, and then above all, check back on them. Then he asked what the most important word in the gospel is, and to me, that is, no doubt, LOVE. Last night I was reading in Jacob 5, about the master and his vineyard. It just hit me so hard that these people in our world who are sad or angry or hurting, or alone, could be like those branches and roots. If we but care for and love and feed and nourish, what an amazing thriving vineyard we could have. I am reading this book, 3 cups of Tea, about this amazing man who stopped just giving a dollar. He was in Afganistan in a remote village with no school for the children there. He made it his job to get a school to those kids. Basically the idea is, if we were to put all that money that we use for a war into education and giving others opportunity, what could the world be like. And don't get me wrong, I am not anti-war but I believe it should be one of the last resorts. Let's say instead of attacking others, we put ourselves in their shoes and think, what have you missed along the path that makes you feel this way. Like in Afganistan, these young kids were put into a war they didn't understand because it was their only choice between poverty and "opportunity". If they were given education and confidence to know their own worth, the possibilities are endless. I relate this to teaching parenting. Sometimes it seems as if some kids were just born "naughty" or "bad". Look at what they're not getting, what they may have come from. Most of the time, we all just want to be loved. In a work meeting about a month ago, my boss told us all how she came about establishing Promise. Promise for those of you who don't know, is an organization formed to love and nurture mother's into breaking out of their unhealthy chemical addictions and start taking responsibility for their lives, and the lives of their children. She was told the story of a woman who all her life had been told she wasn't worth anything, she was ugly, she was stupid. But when she'd go to her grandmother's house, her grandmother would give her a bath, brush her hair, dress her in clean clothes. She said only then did she feel like a woman of promise, because someone believed that she was. So here I am making a goal to myself that crying for someone does not put food in their belly, because I really do this. Now it sounds so shameful. As if welling up with tears as I pass by someone who is homeless really helps their situation. I actually think the best thing I did lately is to tell a homeless man I was talking to to please quit smoking. But you know, it's because I thought his life was worth living, but did he? I truly do love people and I am making that as of now, an action. I'm not a genius, not rich, but you know what, I am good at loving people. I can do that.